C.S. Lewis wrote in his classic book, Mere Christianity, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” In theory, most of us want to be quick to forgive. After all, who wants to be bitter, easily offended, or stuck in the past? But in reality, most of us are prone to cling to an offense. I fell into that trap this week.
I was getting ready for an appointment when I began rehashing an infuriating conversation I had a couple weeks ago. I replayed the conversation over and over inserting words I wish I’d said. Within minutes, I was every bit as mad as I’d been the day the conversation had taken place. Internal dialogue is powerful. Regrettably, I allowed the same conversation to infuriate me not once, but twice. (As if the first time wasn’t enough).
Clearly, I hadn’t let go of the offense.
Scripture warns us about this.
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, alone with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph 4:30-32)
I love how Eugene Peterson puts it in the Message, “Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.” (Eph 4:30, The Message).
Scripture provides at least two powerful motivators to let go of an offense:
- Clinging to an offense impacts our relationship with God. It’s one thing to have a conversation that makes us mad. It’s entirely another thing to cling to an offense and have it foul up our relationship with God. While it’s true that clinging to an offense doesn’t impact our salvation, it does impact our fellowship with God until we let go of the offense. What is worth that? Absolutely nothing. I’ll gladly give an enemy food out of my refrigerator and clothes from my closet, but the last thing I want is for another human being to impact my behavior to the point that I “grieve the Holy Spirit.” (Ephesians 4:30). He means too much to me. I need him too badly. Jesus went to the cross so I can experience fellowship with God. I’m not forfeiting a minute of fellowship with God to nurse a grudge. I hope you don’t either.
- Clinging to an offense is harmful. God never calls us to let go of things that are good for us. If he commands us to “get rid” of something it’s because it has the potential to destroy us. Bitterness, rage, anger, and the extended laundry list of things found in Eph 4:31 will indeed destroy us. Writer, Anne Lamott, said, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poisoning and waiting for the rat to die.”
I don’t want to hold a grudge. I don’t believe you do either. It doesn’t align with who God has called us to be. Let’s deal with things and let it go.
