It was Raquel Welch who said, “You can’t fake listening. It shows.” [1]
Being a good listener has always been a challenge but never more so than in the age of digital distraction. Many of us are bombarded with a continual stream of social media updates, text messages, email notifications, and news alerts that have dramatically impacted our listening skills. It would be reasonable to believe the constant digital connections we enjoy might strengthen interpersonal relationships, but that assumption has proven false. Rather than increased community, most Americans are reporting greater feelings of isolation. A 2018 study conducted by Cigna reports that 46 percent of American adults sometimes or always feel lonely, and only half of Americans say they have meaningful face to face conversations on a daily basis.[2]
Why is this problematic for us as Christians?
Our faith demands we be people who listen— to the commands of God and in the context of our relationships with other people. Genuine relationships require reciprocal communication. It may be unintentional, but poor listening skills reveal a lack of humility and a disregard for other people’s thoughts and feelings. Being a poor listener is a recipe for disaster in our spiritual, personal, and professional lives. God intends for us to hear and be heard. Here are a few examples from Scripture:
- “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future” (Prov. 19:20).
- “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise” (Prov. 15:31).
- “Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil” (Eccl. 5:1).
- “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slower to anger” (Jas. 1:19).
How would you rate your listening skills? Are you often tempted to glance at your phone when you’re having a conversation with a colleague? Do you make a habit of interjecting your thoughts before people finish speaking? Are you mindful of non-verbal cues? Do you listen to what is being said, or are you contemplating your response as others are still talking?
Being a good listener doesn’t happen by chance—it calls for intentionality on our part. The first step at becoming a good listener is committing to the art of active listening. Listening well is a skill that will improve our relationships, demonstrates respect and kindness, and will increase our wisdom. After all, we don’t learn a thing when we’re doing all the talking.
[1] https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/raquel_welch_211865
[2] https://www.cbsnews.com/news/many-americans-are-lonely-and-gen-z-most-of-all-stud
2 Responses
Good stuff Susan. Painful for me to read as I reflect on my poor listening, especially the “interjecting my opinions before they finish sharing”. I believe selfishness, focus on myself is at root of my poor listening. Again painful admission, but I need to start there, repent and ask God to please help me be an active listener. Thank you, Tom Martinez.
Tom, I think if we’re honest we could all be better listeners, so you certainly aren’t alone! And thanks for reading!