It’s been said, “If two people agree on everything, only one person is thinking.” Disagreements are bound to come, but how we react will influence the outcome. If you spend any time on social media, you’ve undoubtedly witnessed conversations escalate out of control because people tend to say things online that they wouldn’t say in person. To complicate matters, it seems people have become addicted to outrage. If we wanted to (and some people do) we could be in a war of words 365 days a year. But if we’re wise, we can avoid unnecessary disputes.
Our words have the potential to escalate conflicts or defuse them. When we are verbally attacked or spoken to with harsh language, there’s a temptation to respond in the same manner. Instinctually, human beings are prone to act defensively when we are the object of another person’s wrath. But doing so increases the tension.
Proverbs 15:1-2 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”
When Solomon wrote those words, he wasn’t suggesting we should go along with something we disagree with or give in to every argument. Instead, he was saying the tone of our voice and how we approach the conversation can defuse the situation and make it much easier to settle the matter peacefully.[1]
Communication doesn’t only consist of words. It includes the way we deliver our words. In the midst of a disagreement, wise people avoid sarcasm, eye-rolling, or anything that shows contempt for the other person. Addressing another person with respect, a gentle tone, and an amicable attitude will go a long way toward a peaceful resolution.
In contrast, Solomon wrote that “the mouth of the fool gushes folly” (v.2). In other words, a fool says everything that comes to mind and disregards potential consequences. When a fool is angry, he or she communicates with insults, sarcasm, cut downs, and other nonverbal modes of communication that do nothing but escalate tension. Once again, it’s a matter of the heart. Jesus said, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).
Worldly wisdom instructs us to fight for our rights and win an argument at any cost. Godly wisdom teaches us to communicate in a way that leads to a win-win situation, that strengthens the “unity of Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). Our natural inclination might be to respond to wrath with wrath. But wisdom teaches us to react with intentionality that reflects the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5: 22-23). If we are willing, Godly wisdom has the potential to make us excellent communicators.
Thought to Ponder:
- How do you respond when someone confronts you in an angry tone?
- Are you prone to be defensive or more likely to shrink back in fear?
- What steps can you take to communicate more effectively?
2 Responses
Awesome word
Thanks for reading, Julie! Great to hear from you.