Jesus wasn’t kidding when He said, “In this world you will have trouble,” (John 16:33). Most of us know people dealing with depression and anxiety, health crises, relationship problems, unemployment, and various other issues that plague the human race. But Jesus said in the latter half of John 16:33, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
One of the ways we get through hard times is with the help of our friends. When I say “friends,” I don’t mean people who follow us on social media. I’m referring to people you could call if your car broke down on Christmas Eve, and they wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything to come get you. Real friends. You don’t need 100 friends, but you do need two or three. When times are hard, we need more than someone who tells us to call if we need anything. Those aren’t close friends—they are well-meaning acquaintances. So, how do we make close friends?
The best way to find good friends is to be a good friend. But sometimes, it’s hard to know how to help a friend who is suffering. The book of Proverbs warns us about such things:
Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda (Prov. 25:20).
Most of us have experienced a time when we attempted to comfort someone and came up short. Common pitfalls include trying to explain why the season of adversity is happening, feeling the need to defend God for allowing the crises, and assuring the sufferer things will improve when in reality, we have no idea whether they will or not.
In 2018, my parents died 40 days apart. In the days that followed, my friend Monica came to my house and just sat with me. Trust me when I tell you I was in no shape for conversation—my tears were many, and my words were few. She didn’t pressure me to cheer up, and she offered no words of advice. Mostly we sat in silence. It was evident that my grief didn’t make her uncomfortable, and I felt no pressure to “pull it together.” Quietly sitting with me was one of the most profound gifts she could’ve given me.
In times of suffering, our friends need our presence more than our answers. It’s not difficult to find a friend to laugh with, but finding one to grieve with you is another story. Most of the time, words aren’t necessary. If you want to have good friends—the first step is to be one. The apostle Paul said it best, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2).
