Not long ago I was on a college campus when class let out. As the students shuffled out of the classrooms and auditoriums, I was struck by how few conversations were taking place. I watched as the students walked to class staring at their phones, checking messages, and seldom, if ever, speaking to each other. I thought about the rich conversations they were missing and the possibility of genuine friendships that were being sacrificed on the altar of technology. (Which, ironically, is supposed to help us stay connected.)
I’m not suggesting that technology or social media is a bad thing. In fact, I can think of multiple people I stay in touch with because of social media. But most of us will agree that social media has blurred the lines of what it means to be “connected.” It seems the focus of friendships has shifted from quality to quantity. But we can’t underestimate the significance of even one close friendship.
My favorite example of friendship in the Bible is David and Jonathan. To say David was having a hard time with Jonathan’s father, King Saul, is an understatement. In fact, Saul intended on killing David. But David and Jonathan were friends. They were real, true, go-to-bat-for-you kind of friends. And in an act of unparalleled loyalty, Jonathan warned David of Saul’s plan to kill him, and David was sparred (1 Samuel 20). Later in his life, after David had become king, he provided Jonathan’s handicapped son a place in the palace (2 Samuel 9).
We all need a friend we can count on. I don’t know about you, but I value knowing I have some friends that I could call on Christmas Eve if my car broke down. But these relationships take time to cultivate. Friendships with depth require shared experiences, time, and yes, sometimes sacrifice. Not a single one of us will ever have two hundred close friends, but we will be blessed if we have one or two.
Jane Austen wrote in Northanger Abbey, “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
I have no plans to abandon technology or social media and I’m not encouraging anyone else to either. But if we want genuine community, we will need to spend more time looking people in the eyes than do we staring at a screen.
So, let’s not throw away our phones and tablets. Let’s just leave them in our pockets more often. After all, aren’t people far more interesting?
