Communicating With Kindness In a Culture of Hostility

I’ve got a friend who hasn’t spoken to his family since November. On Thanksgiving Day, he and his sister got into a fight over politics. The argument escalated and ended badly. Christmas came and went, as did his mother’s eighty-third birthday, and the family is still not speaking to one another.

We live in a culture where hostility is common. Don’t believe me? Take ten minutes to read the comments of a major news story on social media. But let me warn you, you’ll be sorry you did. Insults, name calling, and vulgarity are the order of the day. Fewer and fewer people respect opinions that differ from their own. It’s more common to villainize people who share an alternative view. Sadly, agreeing to disagree seems to be a thing of the past.

But what about those of us who don’t want to live in a perpetual state of outrage? Or more importantly, how are Christians to live, thrive, and communicate in a culture that seems to thrive on hostility?

The book of Proverbs is known as the book of wisdom, as it should be. But Proverbs also has much to teach us about relationships and communicating effectively with people. I don’t know about you, but I have zero desire to be chronically angry, habitually offended, or only have friends who think exactly the way I do. But the reality is, I often come in contact with people who live this way. My guess is you do too. It’s impossible to escape. So how do we rise above the hostility? The book of Proverbs teaches us at least three ways to respond well in a culture of outrage.

1. Respond to hostility with kindness. Whether or not we realize it, we have the ability to “set the temperature” of our conversations. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Causing an argument to escalate is easy. Any fool can do it, and most fools do. Deescalating an argument calls for self-control and sound temperament.
2. Don’t Say Everything You Think. If we wanted to, we could find something to be critical about every day of the week. Some people live that way. But the truth is, many things are better left unsaid. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit; but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
3. Refuse to Argue. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve got strong opinions about politics and current events. But it’s not my goal to change anyone else’s mind. It is, however, my goal to be kind.  We can’t control how other people respond, but we do have complete control of our own behavior during a disagreement. Arguing with a hostile person is a waste of time. Proverbs 14:7 says, “Leave the presence of a fool, there you do not meet words of knowledge.”

How we communicate with others is up to us. I’ll leave you with a quote to ponder from Max Lucado, “I choose gentleness….Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it only be in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.”