To date, 2018 has been a combination of blunt force grief and astounding grace. Many of you know my Dad passed away on February 28th after a long battle with Alzheimer’s. Nancy Reagan once described Alzheimer’s as “a long goodbye.” But in the days leading up to Dad’s death, the “long good-bye” suddenly didn’t seem long enough. Then, just 40 days later, my Mother died unexpectedly from complications that arose from a mild case of pneumonia. It was incomprehensible.
To complicate matters, we had sold our house just days before Dad’s passing, so my husband and I moved during the forty day stretch between my parent’s deaths. To put it mildly, it was a bizarre month. But in the midst of staggering grief, there has been astounding amounts of grace. It’s come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
In the early days following my parents passing, I experienced the grace of my husband’s steady hand on my back when I cried so hard my shoulders heaved. A tsunami of grace came to me as my brother and I told stories about our childhood and laughed so hard tears streamed down my cheeks. Laughter is potent medicine. Grace arrived in an SUV when my Aunt Sandy and cousin Suzie drove hundreds of miles to be at my father’s bedside. Grace trickled down to my broken heart through the calls, texts, flowers, cards, and visits I received from friends. Grace came to me at a truck stop when I was driving home back to Nashville after Dad passed. I was sleep deprived and grief-stricken, and I misplaced my cellphone while I was pumping gas in the pouring rain. A couple I’d never met helped me look and the woman found my phone under the driver’s seat of my car. I’ve come to know I can count on the kindness of strangers. Grace arrived via email from friends who tell me they are praying for me. One friend emails around 5am several mornings a week to tell me the ways I’ve been prayed for. Those prayers have been the spiritual buoy that’s kept me afloat.
Grace poured down like rain by way of my church family. The moment I finished making my mother’s funeral arrangements I received a voicemail from two pastors at my church who I respect immensely. They called via speaker phone so they could pray for me. You can’t put a price on a gesture like that and the call came precisely when I needed it most. The Sunday I returned to church following my mother’s funeral I was swarmed by my church family. They didn’t shy away from my grief; they ran to it. That’s astounding grace.
If we live long enough, we will lose our parents. My family and I haven’t experienced anything that everyone else hasn’t already or eventually will go through. I can’t say I’ve learned any profound lessons nor do I have any words of wisdom to offer about losing a parent. Most days my only goal has been to keep moving. I’m no expert on grief, and to be frank; I’m still in the thick of it. But I’ve learned to spot grace when I see it. And in the last couple of months I’ve seen God’s grace poured out to me through the hands and feet of his people. I am grateful to Christ for grace that flows downward and raises a grieving daughter up again.
And I know these words are true, “But he gives more grace.” (James 4:6a)
5 Responses
Susan – My parents died 20 years apart of the same type of liver cancer. And never was God as real, as close, as merciful as when I went on those journeys with my father, and then my mother. I was never alone even when I drove hundreds of miles by myself to come to Nashville to be with my Dad. Through the grace of God, with each of my parent’s deaths, I experienced the “peace that passeth all understanding”. He carried me through. I grieved, my heart broke, I asked God why?,
I had peace in my heart, I cried buckets of tears, I grew in my relationship with Him, I railed at God. He is a big God. Nothing is bigger than our God the Father. I knew that, and I knew He could and would take any questions, any anger I sent His way. As long as I stayed in relationship with Him.
I am sorry you have been through your parents’ deaths so close together. You need to grieve. That’s part of the process. And I know you aren’t only left with their absences, but you are left to work through all the emotions, memories and dredge of your prior relationships with each parent.
It’s not fun. It’s hard. It hurts. But I know you and I know your faith is in the Rock. You are going to be okay. And you are and I am grateful you have such a great husband who will be with you. I love you, Lynda
Thanks for the kinds words, Lynda. And I love you too!
Susan – You wrote above “I’ve learned to spot grace when I see it”. Many people become bitter and angry and can’t see the grace and love God is attempting to show them. They choose to get through the trials of life “independently” – apart from God’s grace and the love others want to bestow on them.
Your post caused me to remember the time when my step-dad was in the hospital in FL (I was in MI). I was at church on a Sunday night before I was to fly out the next morning. After the service, when there were a few of us still standing around talking, the pastor asked all of those still there to come join in a circle around me and they all prayed for my dad and for myself. God’s grace!
Praying that you will continue to be a “grace spotter”, that you will be comforted by our Heavenly Father and that you will have wisdom in dealing with all of the things that need to be done upon the death of a loved one.
Thank you for the kind words, Denise!
It is so hard to lose a loved one. When my grandson was born and died just minutes later I was able to experience the grace you have described. I am blessed beyond measure to have the relationship with God that allows me to identify His amazing grace. I pray for you regularly. I also pray for those who struggle through loss without that relationship with Christ as their Sustainer.
May that same God of grace wrap you in His love and strength today!