We’ve all been there, and some of us have been there more than once. It’s the feeling we get when a friend, coworker, or loved one profoundly disappoints us. Maybe it wasn’t intentional on their part—or perhaps it was. Either way, the sting runs deep. It’s one of the uncomfortable truths about life—we will be disappointed by others, and we too, will be disappointing to others. So, how do you move on when someone you care about disappoints you? While there’s no magical formula for getting over it, here are a few things that will get you headed in the right direction.
1). Forgive your offender. Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s the foundation of the Christian faith. Be warned: sometimes, forgiveness is so difficult that you’ll need to pray for God’s help to forgive—but nevertheless, forgiveness is possible. Remember, Jesus experienced extreme betrayal. Not only was He unjustly accused and condemned to a Roman cross by a religious establishment that should have recognized Him as the Messiah—but during His darkest hours, His closest disciples abandoned Him. And yet, on the heels of unjust charges and abandonment, He still went to the cross on behalf of humankind. If you follow a Savior who is characterized by forgiveness—the only appropriate response is to do the same.
Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean reconciling with or even staying in contact. It simply means you release them from the expectation of fixing what they did and no longer holding it against them. Remember, if someone has committed a crime against you, it’s appropriate for that person to be held accountable by the law—but your intention should still be to forgive your offender.
2). Go to Extreme Lengths to Reject Bitterness. If you’ve been disappointed by someone or even a whole organization, or group of people, there’s a temptation to become bitter or assume that all people are untrustworthy. Reject this notion at all costs—being bitter is a terrible way to live, and it will rob you of countless moments of happiness. The apostle Paul warned about it: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:30-31).
There’s a passage in Louis Erdrich’s book, The Painted Drum that comes to mind when I think about forgiveness and rejecting bitterness: Erdrich writes, “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens, and you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.
3). Keep Things in Perspective. One of the seldom spoken truths about the Christian life is that even if everyone you know flakes out on you—you’ll still be OK. Why? Because you belong to Jesus. Actually, you’ll be more than OK—you’ might even be quite good. I’m not minimizing the hurt you’ll feel when someone disappoints you—but I am saying that it doesn’t have to destroy you. When Paul described the persecution he was experiencing in ministry he described it this way: “persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor: 4:7). If he can adopt that perspective during genuine persecution, we can do it too.
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