Post-pandemic life has returned to normal in some spheres, but there is evidence that people aren’t getting together like they once did.[1] During the pandemic, some of us lost our aptitude for small talk, crowds, and large social gatherings. As one woman I know said, “I don’t have the energy to meet new people right now.” Not surprisingly, there has been a downward trend in friendships. Thirty years ago, 55 percent of men reported having at least six close friends, while about 40 percent of women reported that same number.[2]Today, those numbers have been slashed in half. Perhaps more concerning is that 15 percent of men and ten percent of women report having no close friends.
Disclaimer: I am an introvert to the bone. I don’t have the bandwidth for a dozen close friends, but I will fight in the street for my nearest and dearest. So maybe that’s why I argue that the quality of our friendships is more important than the number. Regardless, even the most introverted among us need a handful of close friends. Why? Because God designed us to be in a community.
The Bible has a lot to say about relationships. Early in the book of Genesis, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). In this context, God was referring to marriage, but we know that God calls some people to singleness, and others find themselves widowed or divorced. Regardless of our status, it’s clear that it is not good for us to be isolated from other people. Having “friends” on social media cannot replace sharing a meal or having a conversation. Netflix is a poor substitute for engaging in other people’s lives. Read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and you’ll never find a single instance when God called someone to go it alone. There are no spiritual hermits in Scripture. We are created to be in a relationship with God and other people.
If you are in a season of life when you don’t have as many friends as you’d prefer, consider investing in one or two relationships. Forgive me for using a cliché, but the old saying, “If you want to have a friend—be a friend,” holds true here. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with someone you fell out of touch with or reach out to someone you’d like to get to know better. The local church is an excellent place to start. Except for my friends that I’ve had since childhood, I’ve “accidentally and organically” met all of my closest friends in Bible study or serving together in some capacity. After all, faith in Jesus is a mighty fine thing to have in common.
I’ll leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis’s book The Four Loves, “Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
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[1] https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/07/12/rebecca-makkai-post-pandemic-covid-introvert-extrovert/.
[2] https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/.
