Last week I received a rejection letter from a publisher that I’d hoped to write for. Over the years I’ve collected enough rejection slips to wallpaper my kitchen. For reasons I don’t understand, some pack a harder punch than others. This one was a kick in the gut. As I tossed the letter on my desk, I felt a blanket of disappointment descend on me like fog.
We all experience disappointment from time to time. It might come in the form of a failed relationship, a business deal that falls through, a family crisis, or any number of things that let us down. I’ve often heard people say, “If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed.”
Frankly, that’s a lame way to live. I’d much rather approach 365 days a year with hope and expectation and be disappointed some of those days than live my whole life anticipating nothing. The key to dealing with disappointment is not avoiding it, but rather dealing with it and moving on.
After I had received the letter, I knew if I didn’t address my disappointment quickly, I’d be in a lousy mood, and it’d rob me of a couple good days. Life’s short, and I’m no longer willing to forfeit much time to mope. I hope you won’t either. Here are 3 things that help me deal with disappointment:
- Keep Things In Perspective. I don’t know about you, but I have the ability to blow things out of proportion. In reality, very few things are catastrophic. When I received the rejection letter, I reminded myself that I am not defined by my work. Nor am I defined by success or lack of it. My identity and purpose are solely rooted in the fact that I am a child of God. (John 1:12) Because of Christ, nothing can change that or take that from me. Since the most important thing in my life is unshakeable, I am free to relax about everything else.
- Pray Through It. It’s inauthentic and unproductive to attempt to hide the disappointment. It’s much easier to acknowledge it. I’ve found the best way to deal with disappointment is in prayer. God alone has the ability to help us move past disappointment. The Psalms are full of people expressing their disappointment to God. Pastor and author Tim Keller says, “Every single emotion you have should be processed in prayer.”
- Move Forward. While it’s healthy to acknowledge and deal with disappointment, it is not a good idea to linger there longer than we need to. If we’re not careful, disappointment can lead to self-pity, and that’s a recipe for misery. One of the things I love most about the apostle Paul was his remarkable ability to keep moving forward despite setbacks. The guy was unstoppable. Paul understood the future he had to look forward to with Christ, and regardless of what happened on earth, the best was yet to come. With those things in mind he wrote these words to the church at Corinth, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing your labor is not in vain.” (1 Cor 15:58).
Disappointment isn’t fatal. Every single one of us is strong enough to take a kick in the gut and get back up again. Oh, and by the way, I’ll keep sending my work to new publishers. I’ve got high hopes.
