I’ve heard it more times than I can count. I’ve heard it from the mouths of millionaires and homeless people, the educated and the illiterate. I’ve heard it in hushed tones following a Bible study, through sobs at an addiction recovery center, over coffee at Starbucks, in parking lots as I’ve walked to my car, and in the halls at church. The delivery may vary, but the message is the same. It goes something like this:
“I know the Bible says God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself.”
The words that follow usually sum up a struggle that describes living with guilt, shame, and feeling trapped in the past. Inevitably, the woman telling her story adds one more detail, “I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness.”
And she’s right. She doesn’t.
Neither do I.
And neither do you.
God’s grace is hard for us to wrap our minds around and it’s countercultural to the society in which we live. We learn early on that “If you do x for me, then I will do y for you.” That’s the reality of American culture, but it’s not Gospel living. Jesus destroyed that concept at Calvary.
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Notice the text doesn’t say, “When we got our act together and held up our end of the deal, Christ died for us.” No, the apostle Paul says while we were still sinners Christ died for us. There’s not a single one of us who deserves His forgiveness. It must be received as a stunning act of grace.
So, if God forgives those who have confessed and repented of their sins, why do so many of us struggle with forgiving ourselves? I think there are at least two reasons:
- We intellectually understand the Bible says we are forgiven, but the message hasn’t penetrated our heart. There’s a dramatic difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. It can be a million mile journey from our head to our heart. It’s one thing to be able to spout out the Sunday school answer that affirms God loves us and forgives us. It’s another thing to own that truth and live it with every fiber of our being. Spiritual struggles are only solved through prayer. If you struggle with forgiving yourself, I encourage you to meditate on passages like 1 John 1:9, Colossians 1:14, and Psalm 103:3, and as you meditate, ask God for these passages to permeate your mind and heart. We’ll never be able to forgive ourselves until we are convinced in both our mind and heart that God has forgiven us.
- We feel guilty, and therefore punish ourselves by withholding forgiveness from ourselves. Guilt is a powerful emotion that the enemy uses to torture God’s children. Why? It keeps us stuck in the past and paralyzes progress. The reality is God wants us to forgive ourselves. Christ took the penalty for our sins so we could be free. Why in the world do we not receive it with gladness and thanksgiving? For those of us who confess and repent of our sins, God declares us forgiven. Who are we to question that? C.S. Lewis said, “I think that if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”
As we contemplate forgiveness, let’s remember the words Jesus spoke in (John 8:36), “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Christ went to the cross so we could be free. Let’s live the way He intended.
